Precocious kittens Bippity, Boppity, and Boop are exceedingly loyal to their human, the twenty-eight-year-old up-and-coming magician Mila. She saved them from starving to death in a dingy Corvin’s Crossing alleyway and has been nothing but loving ever since, even though her own life is in shambles.
So when Mila’s sketchy boyfriend and business manager turns up dead at the end of her big magic show—she’s the prime suspect. With evidence mounting, there’s nothing stopping the sheriff from hauling away Mila to the human pound. Unless the kittens can solve the crime and clear her name.
The kittens will have to use their dubious control over the laws of physics and every whisker of know-how they’ve got to catch the real killer if they want to save their happy home with Mila. This is one meow-stery more tangled than any ball of yarn they’ve encountered yet.
A Self-Scoring Questionnaire
with Bippity MacAllister
Hello there, humans! I’m Bippity, the cleverest kitten you could ever hope to meet. Does it surprise you to know that many humans find themselves in the sad state of not having a single solitary dog or cat to help them be less… well, forgive me, human, but less human-ish. Yours is a strange and limited species, and it’s a wonder you manage without us helping you along.
Honestly, I’m not entirely sure you do.
Regardless, if you’re one of the many bereft humans without a dog or a cat who calls you their own, I’m here to help. I’ve recently come to learn that there are humans who are more suitable to cats, and those more likely to be adopted by a dog. There are even some humans with the potential to be claimed by either or both!
So I’ve devised a brief self-scoring questionnaire to help you determine whether you are a dog person or a cat person. Each answer will tell you where to score your point(s): Column A or column B. If none of the answers to a particular question suit you, just move on. When you’re finished, add up your score in each column and get your results!
At least 6 points in A, less than 4 in B: Cat person!
You are clever, curious, and discerning, and deserve a companion who can match your energy. Adventuring is wonderful, but it’s a thousand times better with your purr partner at your side, so visit your local cat rescue today and give yourself the chance to meet your soulmate!
At least 4 points in B, less than 6 in A: Dog person!
You’re a goof, but that’s okay, because dogs are goofs too. You can waggle and slobber and burp together and do whatever it is dog people do for fun. Brutus says there are lots and lots of dogs who need good homes, so visit a shelter or rescue and tell them all about your ridiculous self so they can help you find an equally ridiculous partner in whatever dogs and dog people get up to.
At least 6 in A and at least 4 in B: Ambi-pet-uous! Both Dogs and Cats!
You’re a bit of an odd one, human. You’re smart and creative, but also not too caught up in being prim. I see great things in your future. I’ve heard rumors of kittens raised with dogs and puppies raised with cats, and how they can become best friends with guidance and care. I do admit, having a dog to ride on like how humans ride horses seems like it could be useful. However, I encourage you to do your research and make sure the fur-family you rescue are going to be happy with the arrangement, too.
Less than 6 in A, less than 4 in B:
Time to consider an aquarium. Though I’m told you’re not supposed to eat the fish, so I’m not clear on the point.
About the Author:
Kit Gray aka Elise Scott writes from their lived experiences of queerness, disability, neurodivergence, fat-positivity, and petting three cats with two hands. Their life has been an adventure, from facilitating equine therapy for trauma survivors to counseling at-risk youth with the aid of an inordinately large sub-woofer and beyond. They earned their BA from Mount Holyoke and their MS from Capella University. Their debut novel, a cozy mystery featuring three kittens with the ability to bend the laws of physics, who must solve a murder to save their rescuer from the human pound, is forthcoming from Crooked Lane in May 2026. Elise is a Not Quite Write Prize winner and Best-of-the-Net nominee. Their short work has appeared/is forthcoming in The Advocate, Choices: An Anthology of Reproductive Horror, The Not Quite Write Anthology 2025, The B’K, Five Minutes, Knee Brace, All Existing, and Quibble, among others. Find out what they’re working on now at http://elise-scott.com.Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AuthorEliseScott/
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